communication these days

Recently I listened to an NPR piece that was talking about communication.  These days there are so many ways to communicate (i.e. e-mail, blogs, social networks, cell phones, snail mail, etc.) that we often don't even realize that we're connecting long distance.  With the ease and access of technology, we can communicate really whenever and wherever we want.  We can carry cell phones anywhere, access our e-mail while walking down the street, or send texts all over the world.

At this point "it's so easy to communicate, there's no reason to communicate anything of interest" (Ted Widmer). I heard this and instantly thought of status updates where people feel the need to let the world know they are brushing their teeth and watching the 567th episode of Grey's Anatomy or whatever it is at the moment.  Widmer even goes on to say that as he sits on the subway he hears people's cell phone conversations that consist of 'Hello. I'm here.  I'll be home at 5:19 instead of 5:18.'  It's the most mundane stuff.  Really.

Back when America was being forged, all people had were letters to communicate over long distance and there was no guarantee your letter would make it.  People took time and made an effort to make sure that what they were communicating was quality.  This really got me thinking and led me to ask myself, am I communicating things of quality and depth?  Am I communicating things that are relevant to others?  Would I want to hear/read what I have to say?

a Christmas prayer

O Lord, may the spirit of Christmas fill our hearts this eve,
And may the prayers of the holy birth fill our prayers tonight.

In the spirit of God, may it all be for something.
In the spirit of the prophets, may our dreams become reality.
In the spirit of the angels, may the whispers of hope fill our songs.
In the spirit of Mary, may our fear turn to faith.
In the spirit of Joseph, may our doubts turn to trust.
In the spirit of the shepherds, may our call to worship come loud and true.
In the spirit of the star, may You ever guide us in our journey.
In the spirit of the magi, may our gifts for You be of value to You.
In the spirit of King Herod, may our greedy desires be fruitless efforts.
In the spirit of Jesus, may Your presence touch the earth and may our hearts be re-born.

In the spirit of that one night when light was born, may our hearts be filled with the peace and stillness of Love.

Amen.

stories

I believe in stories.  Over the past few months I've read several articles and books on the topic that have gotten me thinking a lot more about the value, meaning, power, and prevalence of stories in our everyday lives.

We are surrounded by stories.  We hear them as loved ones recount their day, a friend tells you about an experience from their past, gossip about your co-worker catches your ear, a child gets a bed time story, through a pastor's sermon, watching movies and TV, reading a book, listening to music, and so on.  Much of daily interactions with people are stories and many of the things we do for leisure involve stories.  We are constantly telling stories and listening to them.

Stories hold great power over us.  As the saying goes, you are what you eat, and the stories we consume define us in a way that sometimes we don't even fully realize.  They affect how we interpret life and give us values.  Stories of men being superior to women, of using violence, having a spiritual message, or that speak to the goodness of humanity all manifest differently within ourselves.  There are good stories, and there are bad stories.  All stories tell us and teach us something, and we need to be mindful of that. 

What kind of stories are you telling, and what kind of stories are you hearing?  Stories are everywhere.  We consume them, we tell them, and we live them. If we're not telling good stories to the people we love and manage the stories we consume, who else will?  For our others' sakes and for own sakes, we should try to tell, live, and listen to good stories. 

the pencil

A boy was watching his grandmother write a letter. At one point he asked:
‘Are you writing a story about what we’ve done? Is it a story about me?’
His grandmother stopped writing her letter and said to her grandson:
I am writing about you, actually, but more important than the words is the pencil I’m using. I hope you will be like this pencil when you grow up.’

Intrigued, the boy looked at the pencil. It didn’t seem very special.
‘But it’s just like any other pencil I’ve ever seen!’

‘That depends on how you look at things. It has five qualities which, if you manage to hang on them, will make you a person who is always at peace with the world.’

‘First quality: you are capable of great things, but you must never forget that there is a hand guiding your steps. We call that hand God, and He always guides us according to His will.’
‘Second quality: now and then, I have to stop writing and use a sharpener. That makes the pencil suffer a little, but afterwards, he’s much sharper. So you, too, must learn to bear certain pains and sorrows, because they will make you a better person.
‘Third quality: the pencil always allows us to use an eraser to rub out any mistakes. This means that correcting something we did is not necessarily a bad thing; it helps to keep us on the road to justice.’
‘Fourth quality: what really matters in a pencil is not its wooden exterior, but the graphite inside. So always pay attention to what is happening inside you.’
‘Finally, the pencil’s fifth quality: it always leaves a mark. in just the same way, you should know that everything you do in life will leave a mark, so try to be conscious of that in your every action’

source: “Like the Flowing River” by Paulo Coelho

distance

In a previous post, I wrote a little bit about Mary Pipher's book, Writing to Change the World, and her thoughts on wisdom.  Another issue that she writes about that really got me thinking is the de-humanization of others and the separation of ourselves from others.  We see other people as simply a means to an end.  She gives the example of seeing a bank teller as a way to get money, not a human being.  Or we call people "illegal aliens" when no one can really be illegal and no one can really be an alien.  It's easier to treat someone poorly if you think of them as an "illegal alien" rather than another human being.

"Distance negates responsibility." -Guy Davenport

Without thinking we turn other people into objects daily.  We forget to put ourselves in their shoes and take note of the humanity we share.  The world becomes full of objects that affect us in some way as we are the center of the universe.  We have trouble looking beyond ourselves.

How can we keep from doing that all the time?  I think when we take the time to truly sit with ourselves, we discover our own humanity.  By discovering our humanity, we find what links us to everyone else.  But at the same time our culture so systematically de-humanizes people that it can be overwhelming to try to cope.  The least we can do is start with ourselves.

percolating thoughts (#5)

['Percolating thoughts' is an on-going collection of quotes I have found and gained wisdom from.  These are the ones that I've recently discovered and that I'm currently sitting with and reflecting on...]

"If I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my teacher.  I will pick out the good points of the one and imitate them, and the bad points of the other and will correct them in myself."
-Confucius

"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated."
-Confucius

"What you believe has more power that what you dream or wish or hope for.  You become what you believe."
-Oprah

"Some people mistakenly believe that their loneliness is a product of another person's absence."
-Anonymous

"The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out."
-Proverbs 20:5

wisdom vs. information

Last week I started reading the book, Writing to Change the World by Mary Pipher.  In the introduction of the book, she very succinctly outlines several of the major issues of our time.  The first issue that really struck me is the problem of wisdom and information.

"We understand many facts about the world, but we cannot discern their meaning or their implications for action...  While we call our time the Age of Information, wisdom is in short supply." (p.3, emphasis added)

She points to how the average American can identify over 1,000 brand names, but can't identify 10 indigenous plants or animals.  With all the knowledge we have, we're more depressed and stressed than ever as a species.  It's as if knowledge is overloading us.  It's complicating our lives and distracting us from the simpler matters of life.

Webster defines wisdom as "knowledge, and the capacity to make due use of it; knowledge of the best ends and of the best means."  It is easy to gain knowledge.  It's everywhere-- the television, the internet, books, etc.  Anything we wish to know we can look up online at anytime.  On the other hand, wisdom has to be sought out.  It takes work and discernment.

This leads me to ask: Can you turn knowledge into wisdom?  How does one get wisdom?  How does one encourage others to attain it? 

"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf." -Walt Lippmann

listening

Reporter:  When you pray, what do you say to God?
Mother Teresa:  Nothing. I just listen.
Reporter:  What does God say to you?
Mother Teresa:  Nothing. God just listens, too. And if you don't understand that, I can't explain it to you.

--Mother Teresa of Calcutta

a letter to H

[This is a letter I wrote not too long ago to my friend, H.  From time to time I re-read it for myself.]

H, my love.

You are walking, but where are you going?

You need to go where your heart is telling you to go.  And if you can't hear it, then you need to stop and listen.

"Very few people follow the path laid out for them-- the path to their Personal Legend and to happiness.  Most people see the world as a threatening place and because they do, the world turns out to be a threatening place." -Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

You're not a bum, and you are not a woman without guts.  The piece of your soul that is missing is because you're either not moving or are walking without the right destination.

I understand your feelings of loneliness.  I'm having them too, but right now I'm learning how to be my own best friend.  It's difficult at times, but it's incredible.  There are times when I feel impoverished in my friendships as well, but then I think of you and I'm thankful.  Friendship, relationship, and intimacy will come.  Just wait.

Open the compass of your heart, and get going.

all my love,

L

P.S. You're right, how you spend your time does change who you are.  So invest in yourself, ok?

Jesus the human

As a Christian, I've been pondering this...

Why did God choose to make Jesus a man? How would things have been different if Jesus was a woman? Isn't God gender neutral? What are the implications of all this?

Before I say anything on the subject, I need to say this: I believe God was right in making Jesus a man (as God always seems to do the right thing), and the implications of this are huge and are not always thought about and taken into account. First of all, the time period in which Jesus lived was extremely patriarchal. If Jesus was a woman, he would not have had the same impact and credit that people gave him. Granted there were women prophets in that time period, but they didn't have the same kind of influence. One thing the church has struggled with and still does today is that Jesus had/has feminine qualities (he is moved to pity, has compassion, weeps openly for his dead friend, etc.). How do you approach that? I think it's something to be embraced, not ignored. Sociology has proved that masculinity and femininity are determined mostly by social construction, not biology. In other words, we as a society choose what men and women's qualities are. Men are more restricted in their gender roles when it comes to "feminine qualities." Jesus opens up a whole new door.

While we largely ignore parts of Jesus' sex and gender, we over emphasize other parts. We say, "the Father and Son." What about the Mother, the Daughter? Are we all not God's children? This is another reflection of the time period. In the Bible it calls us to protect the widows and the fatherless. This is because if you didn't have a father, you weren't anybody. You had no home, no income. You were powerless. The man, the head of the household, was the provider.  He gave the family a name.  But God is gender neutral. There is a mother heart to God. God is like a parent.  Jesus is not masculine or feminine.  He represented all of humanity.  

There is the saying, "God created us in His image, and we returned the favor."  Is this our attempt to make God more human and thus more comprehensible and understandable?

There is still much to be said on this, but this is just a taste...

intuition & self

[A friend and I had a conversation about my last post.  This is a conglomeration of that conversation and our thoughts.]

There is such thing as intuition, and we all make a knee jerk judgment on the kind of person someone is when we first meet them.  You can sense a person's spirit.  That's the one thing that connects us all together.  A divine spirit dwells in us.  When we are in the presence with others who share the same spirit, it draws us toward one another for fellowship.  So even meeting my friend’s mom for 15 minutes, it was long enough for her to sense my true spirit.

Animals pick up on that WAY better than people too.  They can sense a person’s aura or vibe, and they react to it.  Babies share that ability too.  But as we grow up we get good at lying and building walls, so that it makes it really difficult for us to 'sense' another person's spirit.  Essentially, we get more complicated.  We learned how to build walls to keep others out and ourselves in. 

Sometimes I wonder if we are really scared of Ourselves or is it just that we are scared to accept and recognize the life force we are walking around with.  Our complication comes from denying Him to a degree... and hiding from ourselves really is just our lame attempt of Hiding from Him.  What are we scared of seeing when we really take a look at ourselves?  That we aren't truly self-sufficient and that we have to depend on a higher power?

I think people lack a sense of awareness about themselves and others.  Without awareness, you walk blind.  A LOT of people do that.  Some shy away from themselves completely.  They choose to walk in a fog of self-fulfilling desires.  There are even people who are aware, but if they sit alone, they’re too scared to truly sit with themselves and instead fill their mind with so much noise from the material world.  They do everything to keep the stillness of quiet out.

To best know others, you must first know yourself.

attraction

A couple days ago, I was invited to a friend's house.  As I sat on the couch, the girl's mother sat down next to me and we began chatting.  She inquired about my living situation.  I told her that I lived alone and explained that there was a wonderful family in town that was just like family to me so I didn't feel truly alone.  She replied, "Of course you found this good family.  Good people attract other good people, bad people attract other bad people.  You're a good person, so you attract other good people."  Her response to that caught me off guard (seeing as I'd only known her 15 minutes, so how well could she really know me?), but it got me thinking nonetheless. 

Strictly thinking in the non-romantic kind of attraction-- what kind of people do I attract? What qualities draw me to others?  What qualities of mine shine forth to draw others to me?  What do my friends have in common?  What do my relationships have in common?  It's interesting to think about.  And even if I think about some of my friend's and the people that they surround themselves with, it says a lot about them.

All throughout our lives, we come into different spaces populated by different people.  We change schools, neighborhoods, jobs, recreational activities, and so on.  We rarely have direct control over who is in or out of this spaces, and in every space we have relationships with every single person populating that space (whether that be a close, polite acquaintance, awkward, stand-offish, or full of tension relationship with those other individuals).  Good or bad, there is a relationship.

Friends stand out, because there's something that attract the two people to each other.  You're drawn to that friend for specific reasons just as they're drawn to you.  And I would venture to say it's much easier for us to identify and name what causes us not to be attracted to someone for real friendship than to say what exactly draws us to certain people.  Anyway, it's just something to think about...

the task

A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light. An angel appeared, showed a large rock in front of his cabin and asked him to push against the rock with all his might.

This the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock.

Nothing happened. And he decided to make it a matter of prayer.
“Lord I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even been able to budge that rock. What is wrong? Why am I failing?”

The angel appeared again :
“My friend, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all your strength. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. And now you come to me with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so?”

“Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard.
“Through opposition you have grown much and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have.
“You learned the importance of discipline and training,
"This you have done. Now it is my turn, my task.”

And the angel moved the rock, showing to the man a beautiful path ahead.

[I originally read this story here.]

percolating thoughts (#4)

['Percolating thoughts' is an on-going collection of quotes I have found and gained wisdom from.  These are the ones that I've recently discovered and that I'm currently sitting with and reflecting on...]

"The meaning of life is whatever you make it out to be..."
-Anonymous

"Peoples lives are delicate; you cannot interfere with them without running the risk of changing them profoundly.  A chance remark, a careless involvement, may make the difference between a life of happiness and one of sorrow."
-Alexander McCall Smith, The Kalahari Typing School for Men

"Sometimes you've gotta do what you've gotta do, and pray that the people you love will catch up with you."
-Mary Gauthier, "Drag Queens in Limousines"

"Life is made of our attitudes.  And there are certain things that the gods oblige us to live through.  Their reason for this doesn't matter, and there is no action we can take to make them pass by."
-Paulo Coelho, The Fifth Mountain

happiness & joy

I read a while ago on the BBC that over 1 in 10 websites is pornographic.

That's a lot of websites.  What does that say about humanity?  Well, we obviously like sex and pleasure.  I wonder how many people are actually looking at these sites.  Is it 10% of the population or maybe more?  I don't know.

We, as inhabitants of the developed countries, seem awfully consumed with what can make us happy and provide pleasure-- techno gadgets, delicious food made completely of chemicals and unnatural substances, escapism through movies and music, clothes that wear us instead of us wearing them, the cycle of wanting (which we turn into needing without so much as blinking) and getting the latest 'thing'. 

People aren't driven by their own fulfillment.  All they can eat are shadows.  They crave happiness and don't know how to seek joy.  They fill themselves with Nothing.

Do most people even understand joy?  Joy can be tricky.  One can have joy, but not be happy.  But the unhappiness is only for a moment.  Joy is a river that runs deep.

why shout?

A master asked his disciples:
‘Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?’

The disciples thought for a while, and one of them said:
‘Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.’
‘But, why shout when the other person is just next to you? ‘Isn’t it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you’re angry?’
The disciples gave him some other answers but none satisfied the master.

Finally he explained:
‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts are distant. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.’

Then the master asked:
‘What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small…’
And he finally said:
‘When they love each other even more, what happens?
‘They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love.
‘Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.’ 

[I found this story here.]

a prayer

I came across this Franciscan benediction and really liked it.  Not your typical prayer...

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships,
So that you may live deep within your heart.
May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression and exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.
May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them
And turn their pain into joy.
And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.
Amen

destruction & loss

I read a book recently that was essentially a story of destruction and loss.  After finishing, I've spent some time pondering the topic.  Destruction and loss raise the questions: Why do bad things happen?  If there is a God, why does He allow bad things to happen?  As humans, we all each ask ourselves this and each find an answer that satiates our hearts and minds.  I have my own theories, but that's besides the point.  Destruction and loss are facts of life... So how do we deal with them?

With any loss, you lose a piece of yourself or a way in which you used to see and experience the world.  After a loss, you are not the same person and you can never go back.  All you can do is move forward.  When we lose something precious, we tend to want to go back to 'the way things were.'  However, it's cowardly to want to go back.  The brave set fire to the old and continue moving forward.  This costs them great internal suffering, but it's the best way to move onward.  After any loss, it's almost as if a 'new you' is being born.  You can't walk anywhere with one foot stuck in the past.

We must see tragedy as a challenge, not a punishment.  We can decide how to face challenges.  We can only accept punishment.  Our lives are forged by our attitudes.  There are unavoidable things in life.  It's all about how we deal with them.  We have the power of choice.  As humans, we choose (not accept) our fate.  Even if we change how we face loss, it is still painful and that has to be acknowledged.  We can't get rid of the loss of pain, but we can take joy in things won.

The power of destruction comes with learning how to rebuild.  Sometimes it is the only thing that can awaken forces that lie dormant within us.  "Take advantage of the chance tragedy has given you; not everyone is able to do so." -The Fifth Mountain, Paulo Coelho

the phoenix

Everyone has trials and tribulations at various times in their lives.  That's nothing new.  Most people know this.

This past year has been no exception for me.  I've faced many challenges, and one in particular that really turned me on my head at the time.  The mess took a while to sort out and the deep wounds needed time to heal.  After this particular mess of poor decisions, for the first time in my life I had an incredibly strong sense of regret.  The struggle and the losses seemed to far outweigh any small benefits of the experience that I could see, but now I'm starting to change my mind.  As humans, we make choices.  Our strength lies in the power of our decisions.  They define who we are and our paths in life.

Before and during our trials, it is impossible for us to understand them.  Only after will we know why they came.  I've seen people in my life hold on so tightly to past wounds, decisions, and experiences.  Understanding leads to acceptance, which eventually leads to recovery.  I've been to the bottom of the bottom at several points in my life, and when I'm there, I'm always wondering, 'When will I be restored?'  I'm learning now that I'll always be restored when I learn to rebuild.  Every time I struggle and every moment at the bottom is teaching me and giving me a gift to carry with me into the future.

"Elijah's cries echoed through the valley to return to his ears.
'Thou knowest not whereof thou speakest,' the angel replied.  'There is no tragedy, only the unavoidable.  Everything hath its reason for being: thou needest only distinguish what is temporary from what is lasting.'
'What is temporary?' asked Elijah.
'The unavoidable.'
'And what is lasting?'
'The lessons of the unavoidable.'
Saying this, the angel disappeared."
-Paulo Coelho, The Fifth Mountain

If you wish to rise from the ashes like the phoenix, you need only to learn how to spread your wings...

a song

If I could gift to you a song to tell you where I've been,
I would.
With nothing but rhythm to tell you the story,
And creation's tempo to keep the time.
I'd ask you to close your eyes and touch the wordless lyrics
As the symphony infiltrates your spirit allowing you to see.
With the swinging sounds I'd take you to see the mountain tops and the valleys.
From the beats you'd understand how these memories have been weaved into my soul.
The melody would lift you up and carry you as it carries me onward in my journey.
If you took the time to listen carefully,
The harmony would reveal the elements of my essence.
The moment's movement would melt away the walls I've built and the fears I hold,
So that you could reach down and touch the rhythm of my pulsing of my heart
If that was what you desired to do.
My nakedness would linger until the music ended.
Then when it was finished,
I would thank you for listening.

find yourself

Are you alive
Is there a young woman hiding inside
Does she know that we're trying to help her
Is she totally frozen with fear
If you let her come out for a day
She might even like it and stay
But it's gonna take you to invite her
Cuz you seem so determined to spite her

Find yourself

There isn't much more I can say
For I don't understand the delay
You're asking for friendly advice
And remaining in permanent crisis
Affection is yours if you ask
But first you must take off your mask
When you're back's turned I've decided I'll throw it away just like I did

Find yourself

-KT Tunstall

percolating thoughts (#3)

['Percolating thoughts' is an on-going collection of quotes I have found and gained wisdom from.  These are the ones that I've recently discovered and that I'm currently sitting with and reflecting on...]

"Let your thoughts release the stone cold
And you'll find the body is younger than the soul."
-Kalai (Listen to the full song)

"Everyone in their lives has holes to fill, and they're even willing to talk about it if you are."
-NPR's Jay Allison

"Examine what is said, not the one who speaks."
-Moroccan Proverb

"We live on a tightrope...  It's because of our belief.  We know that God is there for us, and because He is there we hope He will send angels to catch us if we fall... If the angels do not come, it's because He wants us to hit the ground."
-In Arabian Nights by Tahir Shah

the perfect heart

A young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it.

But an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said,
“Your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine.”

The crowd and the young man looked at the old man’s heart. It was beating strongly but full of scars. It had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in … but they didn’t fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. The young man looked at the old man’s heart and laughed.

“You must be joking,” he said. “Compare your heart with mine … mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears.”

” “Yes,” said the old man, “Yours is perfect looking … but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love….. I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them … and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart but because the pieces aren’t exact, I have some rough edges.

“ Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away … and the other person hasn’t returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges … giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too … and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?”

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man.

The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man’s heart.

It fit …. but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges.

The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man’s heart flowed into his.

[I originally read this story here.]

boxes

Lately I've been reading In Arabian Nights by Tahir Shah.  At one particular point in the book, the author (and main character of the book) recounts receiving an ornate box with a story written on a piece of paper placed inside for his fifth birthday.  Upon receiving the gift, the boy's father says:

"This box is very lovely... You can see the colors, and the work on the sides.  But don't be fooled, Tahir Jan, this box is only the container.  What's held inside is far, far more precious.  One day you will understand." (173)

As I read this, it struck me how people are so much like boxes.  Our bodies are just containers.  The most valuable things are what we hold inside. 

So what do we hold inside our "boxes?"  Our values, our past experiences, our hopes, our hurts, our ambitions, and so on.  Essentially, we are carrying stories, all kinds of stories.  We're constantly deciding which stories we put in, which stories we pull out, and which ones that we want to carry around with us.  I've also been observing in my own life how the things that I choose to carry profoundly affect the way I experience and live my life and others around me.  I need to be aware of what I'm holding in my box.

I think it's difficult for some people to identify what they carry around in their box or they don't like to (or perhaps even want to) think about the contents for whatever reason.  Instead they distract themselves with decorating their box, taking care of others' boxes, doing things that having nothing to do with boxes, etc.  But regardless, we're still affected by their box's contents.

We only get one life.  We should be pickier about what we carry around in our boxes.

desire

Lately I’ve been thinking about desire and its role in our lives, my life in particular.  I’ve made some great and not so great decisions because of desire.  Desires seem to be very wrapped up in our emotions and feelings.  They are what spur us on to the attainment or quest for attainment of something.  Desire is what happens when we find holes within ourselves-- we want to fill them. 

We desire the most things that are scarce.  It’s simple economics—little supply equals high demand.  Take gold or diamonds for example.  Same goes for love and relationships.  When you’re in a relationship and that person desires you, your time, your affection, and so on, it’s a turn off.  It can be frustrating and flustering to be wanted by someone, but secretly it’s satisfying not to be the one lacking.  Within the story of love, inevitably the tables turn, and then we are the ones who want to be desired.  As much as we may try, we can’t push it aside or hide it from the other person.  Just like truth, desire wills itself out.

At times we can feel out of control of our desires.  They have the power to take us away from the present and out of an awareness of being.  We become powerless as our yearnings take over and manifest themselves as whatever action we think can get us what we want.  Like a child who finds a toy in a store and feels that they not only want but need this particular toy.  After asking politely doesn't get them the toy, they throw a tantrum in the middle of aisle 3 while the parent tries to shush them, control the scene, and avoid the gazes of passing shoppers.  After a while, the child realizes that perhaps they don’t really need this toy, life goes on, and they’ll be okay with out.  The desire subsides.  They stop crying, and the shopping continues.

As much as I hate losing myself to desire, I guess that’s just part of the human condition.  It’s something that you just have to ride out.  I don’t think all desires are like this.  Biological desires that deal with the self are fairly straight forward (i.e. eating, sleeping, etc.).  However, when desire involves another person (i.e. intimacy, physical contact, friendship, etc.), things can get more complicated, because you have the desires of two people to take into account. 

Desire is different for romance and for friendship.  We have different intimacy needs met by different people in our lives: people that will be there when you desire comfort, people that will be there when you desire a good conversation, people that will be there when you just want to have a good time, and so on.  In friendship, you’re looking out at the world with that other person.  Our desires for a good laugh, a happy time, a good conversation, etc. match fairly easily.  You know which friends to go to in order to fill certain needs and desires within yourself.  It’s more complicated with lovers.  Lovers tend to look more at each other than friendships do.  We channel some of our deepest desires here.  Sometimes they don’t match up as perfectly, because it’s one person (not like the selection of friends you can go to for different desires).  Or sometimes one partner has desires for something at a time when the other doesn’t.  Desires are something that the partnership needs to learn to handle and balance.

I also believe desiring is a way of loving ourselves.  It puts us on a journey of self-discovery as we try to find ourselves through our desires.  Desiring different things brings us different gifts.  For example following our dreams and aspirations can bring new people, wisdom, experiences, etc. into our lives.  These things grow us and stretch us in new ways.  And as our relationships fill different desires within us, a reflection of ourselves is created in that relationship.  We see ourselves through the others' eyes, as the cliche goes.  Another person's understanding and awareness of us allows us to see ourselves in a new way.

Ultimately, desire is an inescapable part of life.  It can spur us on to great deeds or lead us to make some poor choices.  There is a part of desire that we're helpless to control, but I think there is also a part of desire that we get to mold and shape by being who we are.  Although desire can be frustrating at times when you're not getting the object of your desire, there are still some really beautiful gifts within desire.  I hope that both you and I find them.  :)

touch

It's such an intricate part of intimacy. H said once that [American] adults usually only get touched in romantic or sexual ways, so they associate being touched with sexuality.  But that's not all that touch is.  I know that many other cultures handle touch differently (i.e. holding hands as friends is acceptable).  For now, I'm just pondering Americans and the other folks from the developed world and how they view touch.  Americans tend to be very individualistic, and they view themselves as having their own bubble within which they move about the world.  They also don't often like it if people encroach on their bubble uninvited. 

Every human being craves touch.  Babies die with out it.  People harden when they're left untouched.  We have gotten confused-- touching is not always sexual.  Somehow we have hidden, lost, and/or muddled that desire for touch.  It's almost as if we've isolated ourselves in our individualistic bubbles.  The thought of a lot of 'friendly' contact scares us, and we shy away from it.

What have we come to?
How have we gotten so mixed up with this particular human need and desire?

-------------------------

touch.
one touch can be magic.
like a tiny spark in the dark.
a rush of warmth to a cold soul.
within touch is every word in silence.
it brings us a hope that shimmers below the surface.
touch calls us to something deeper.
beyond what we can see.
touch is love.

love is touching.

love is touching.

love is when two people--two spirits-- touch each other.
when four eyes meet...
when two hearts connect...
when two minds collide...
when two hands grasp each other...
when ten fingers lock...
when two people physically connect...
when conversation warms your soul...

love is touching.

(untitled)

To be Alive
is to be Awake and to Know.
To Live
is to Fly and to See.
To dance to Life,
you must first feel the rhythm.

eternal truths, etc.

The other day I listened to Ruth Cranston's contribution to the This I Believe project.  She was one of the original contributors back in the 1950's, and the title of her essay was "These Eternal Truths."  Essentially, she discusses the wisdom (or eternal truths) common to all major religions and their prophets.  The itunes podcast actually contains a little bit of extra commentary from the guys running the This I Believe show these days, and one of their comments struck me.

There has always been a lot of strife between people of different religions or different sects of religions.  Each believing that their way is the best way, and other people are wrong for not holding the same beliefs.  However, the commentator on that particular podcast contends that the mystics of various religions have always gotten along famously.  He attributes this to them having an understanding of this common wisdom, or eternal truths, and that they understand that different religions are all just different paths to the same thing.  The latter argument could be contested by some, but I would support the first.

I wonder how understanding of common wisdom would affect people's views of their religion's outsiders.  In addition, I have come to find that most ideas that there are some religious doctrines that encourage hatred and violence are actually unfounded.  It's people that create that ugliness.

I also have to wonder what else mystics have or believe that allow them to live more harmoniously.  I have a few ideas, but I think I'll leave you to ponder that yourself...

becoming Real

"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." 
-The Skin Horse to The Velveteen Rabbit  

No wonder people are scared to be Real.

People don't like to feel pain and suffering.  That's a natural thing.  However, with all of our recent inventions and discoveries to make our lives better, easier, and happier, people try to skip over the hard things in life.  I read an article a while ago about a woman whose mother died, and after a week she started taking anti-depressants to help her feel better.  You're supposed to feel like crap a week after your mom dies-- that's grief.  It's natural.  I think many people today feel that they deserve nothing but happiness and any kind of hardship is unfair.  Life is a cycle and a balance.  You can't have happiness without sadness.  The mountaintops wouldn't be that grand without the valleys below.

Our lives today are so filled with amenities and stuff that take as away from reality.  There are people who are scared to sit alone with themselves or think.  We believe it's safer to stay clear of risk and discomfort.  We believe we'll be happier that way.  However, those cushions are what lead us to static complacency.

If we have hope to become Real, we have to accept the hardship with the joy.  That's not to say there isn't a cost-- you will suffer wear and tear.  However in the end, you will be Real, you will find wisdom, you will grow, and you will be Alive.

"Not everybody lives, but everybody dies." 

-Blue Scholars 

go deep.  get Real.  love profoundly.

percolating thoughts (#2)

['Percolating thoughts' is an on-going collection of quotes I have found and gained wisdom from.  These are the ones that I've recently discovered and that I'm currently sitting with and reflecting on...]

"Let the beauty of what you love be what you do."
-Rumi

"The journey by which we discover God is also the journey by which we discover, or uncover, our true hidden self in God."
-Esther de Waal

"An important aspect of emotional maturity is being assertive--not rude or aggressive-- in managing your relationships."
-Dr. Phil

"Learning to trust life is like learning to swim.  First you flail, convinced you're going to drown.  Then you notice that if you calm down, it's possible to tread water.  Finally, as your movements slow, you realize something much more profound.  When you let go completely and just relax, you find that you are magically held up by water.  It was ready to support you all the time."
-James Baraz

direction and being

Over the past couple of days, several questions have presented themselves to me...

What do I want my life to look like?
In what direction do I want to go?

What kind of person do I want to be?
Who is the woman I was born to be?

Where is God, or destiny, inviting me to go?

Essentially, I'm asking myself where I want to go and who I want to be.

Through my experiences lately I've come to a place where I have to ask these questions of myself in order to move forward.  The answers to these questions will profoundly affect how my life changes from here.  However, I don't think this is just a one shot deal.  These are questions that I need to continue to ask myself each day.  My responses to these questions affect and shape my daily life.  I'm continually building my bigger future with the little ways that I live out these answers everyday.  And as I continue grow, my answers may grow and change with me.  

"When we don't know where we're headed in life, we are vulnerable to temptation [and to making bad decisions]." -Donald Miller  I find this to be so true.  It's important to know the direction in which I want to go and to know what I want for myself, so that I'm not the one deterring myself from getting to where I want to go and being who I want to be.  I am the one who holds myself back.

"It is very simple.  What you value is what you create." -Derrick Jensen  Ultimately, I believe I have a job to create the life I want to live (with the help of God of course).  We shape what we do and are shaped by what we do.  That's not to say that there aren't outside forces beyond our control that affect us.  However, we still choose how we respond.  I am creating my life.  It should be the one I want to live.

So, have you asked yourself-- where are you going?  What are you creating?

a walk

I took a walk with little Hajiba the other day.  She's 5, the light of my life, and the biggest ray of sunshine you will ever meet.  I feel like she taught me everything I needed to know about life in that one hour walk.

Originally I was going to go alone. At this news, Hajiba sat down and started crying.  She didn't want me to go.  I was her playmate that day.  If I was going, she didn't just want but needed to go too.  Amidst some tears, her mom eventually said, "Ok, you can go."  When life gets painful or hard, sometimes you need to sit down and cry for a minute, but then you get up and move on. Eventually, in their own way, things will end up okay.

We walked the whole way with her little hand in mine.  When we felt like it, we ran, jumped, or just simply walked at our own pace chatting and singing songs along the way. At one point she got scared by a dog barking nearby.  She leaned into me for protection and comfort.  I was there.  I would have protected her.  As we walked, she picked almonds off the trees not even breaking her stride.  It was a reminder to me that life always provides beautiful and precious gifts.  You just need to look for them and seize them.  But the greatest thing I learned from Hajiba that day is that anything and everything is better when you can hold someone's hand...

poetry?

So, I never really considered myself a lover of poetry.  Even the just the word 'poetry' conjures up memories of elementary school limericks and haikus and ideas of people on stage reading words dripping with emotion or feeling.  Yuck.  Even reading poems in a book just never did it for me.  I never felt like I understood poetry.  When the word 'poetry' arises, usually I try to avoid it. 

However in going through much of my old writings, I realized that quite a bit of it actually is poetry.  Song lyrics are poetry.  Hip hop and rap is poetry.

I have a dear friend with whom I would share much of my writing and read hers a long time ago.  Recently, I read some of her current writings, but before I read them I thought, "Ah, this is poetry."  I thought they were nice, and that was it.  I didn't connect with them the way I did a lot of her older stuff.  But again in retrospect, a lot of her old writing back in the day was poetry.  So what is it about the word and idea of 'poetry' that turns me off?

Now that I'm thinking about all this, I think by definition poetry is words with depth.  However, the type of depth conveyed is different every time depending on the author and the style.  Sometimes it's emotional, sometimes spiritual, sometimes humor, sometimes intellectual, sometimes physical movement, and so on.  I think I'm attracted to certain types of depth in words more than others.  As I would guess most people would be.  I guess I just never really thought about it like that before.  I shouldn't be so quick to judge.  I might actually enjoy it.

Here's a piece of poetry that I'm particularly enjoying today.

cleaning out the attic...

[Was looking back at some of my writings from a while ago.  I thought I'd resurrect a few of them.  I'll share more later...]

To love and be loved. That is all there is in life, and it's worth fighting for.

To fight to love. Our minds can more easily grasp this sentiment. We see this happen. We know. But the fight to be loved is often a battle left unspoken. We cannot force anyone to love us. It's a lost cause. If we cannot attain the love we truly desire or fill that empty cavity in our hearts, we do our best to fill it with a substitute. But this endeavor becomes like trying to patch a hole in your jeans with tissue paper-- pointless. So that little patch where our skin shows, we color it blue with washable marker and hope to God no one notices. Safe only until the rain comes. This fight to be loved is not one of struggle, force, and power. It is a fight of stillness, silence, and healing. The fight to be loved takes the greatest strength of the two. This battle is most victorious when we surrender.

"I love you," He whispered.

percolating thoughts...

['Percolating thoughts' is an on-going collection of quotes I have found and gained wisdom from.  These are the ones that I've recently discovered and that I'm currently sitting with and reflecting on...]

"Always recognize that human individuals are ends, and do not use them as means to your ends."  
-Kant

"As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being."
-Carl Jung

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
-Carl Jung

"Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people."
-Carl Jung

de-humanization

As a human society, we've become experts at de-humanizing ourselves.

Our systems (i.e. food production, medical care, etc.) have become so large that they don't see the individual.  For instance, car companies perform a cost-benefit analysis to see whether the cost of a recall or handing out money in settlements is cheaper.  Where is the value of human life?  We purposefully distance ourselves from others in order to make business decisions like this.  If you were the CEO of that car company and your child got into an accident because of a faulty car, you'd want to make better cars.  Our priority has become economics, not human lives.  We de-value ourselves. 

It's also tied to a loss of a sense of community and accountability.  Our society has become so large that we don't look out for others.  The first world is largely an individualistic society.  It's not like small hunter-gatherer communities where the survival of the community depends on its ability to work together and take care of each other.  These days we have grocery stores for food, malls for clothing, and stores full of appliances to take care of the household chores.  Our happiness has become tied to entertainment, because we don't have to worry about survival.  We're free to focus purely on ourselves.

The richest people control our governments and pretty much run the world.  These are also some of the folks with the greatest ability to de-humanize others.  This can be potentially dangerous for our society, but I don't think these guys are the only culprits.  A lot of us allow ourselves to be de-humanized.  We're willing to let companies genetically play with food (at the cost of a few lives from salmonella, etc.) in order to get cheap prices.

So here's a question: how do we humanize ourselves?  Possible solutions would be to shrink our systems of production and become more local, shrink our communities (because when you actually know others, you're less likely to try to cheat them), become individually focused rather than being individually driven (looking at what's good for the whole as well as yourself), and so on.  Some of these things are easier said than done, so where should we go from here?  Where should you/I go from here?

looking up & out

I was having a conversation with a friend today, and we were discussing how each of us are fairly observant people.  Perhaps it's the sociologist in me, but I'm always taking note of those around me, their behavior, and my surroundings.  We were discussing how we each have good friends that aren't as observant, but appreciate the little things we bring to their attention.  This all got me thinking later...

If you're not being observant, are you truly able to grasp your relationship with the world around you?

I've read that when most people walk, they usually walk with their eyes down and keep their line of vision about 10 feet in front of them.  So most people walk with an awareness bubble that has a 10 ft radius unless something happens to pull you out of that bubble (i.e. a person shouting to you across the street, a car honking it's horn, etc.).  However if you change your sight line to the horizon, your entire perception of life changes... how you perceive the people and things around you, how you perceive yourself-- who you are changes

I think changing your sight line to the horizon can and will make you more observant.  There are probably  more ways to connect with the world beyond yourself, but I suppose you need to start by actually seeing it in order to eventually connect to it.    There must certainly be other ways of becoming more observant and widening your view. Something to think about...